Parents' Role In Testing And Academic Success
It has never been easy to parent a teenager, but today’s world makes it especially tough. The competition around college admissions has skyrocketed in the past decade — right along with the price tags. With all that pressure, it can be hard to know how to parent your child through what feels like a minefield of AP courses, athletics and extracurriculars, designed to make them not only ready for the rigors of college, but also attractive candidates for those schools.
And that’s all on top of the standard parenting woes of guiding your teen through the challenges of hormones, cliques, and social media.
What’s a parent to do?
When it comes to general academic success, standardized tests, and getting ready for college, it’s all about striking the right balance. You don’t want to micromanage, but you also can’t assume your child is ready to shoulder all of the weight that the admissions process drops on today’s teens.
Over the years in working with students and families, I’ve seen what strategies work for parents and students. Here’s my take on how to be the best guide you can — while still letting your child live his/her/their own life.
Get Clear on Your Purpose First
College admissions are so fraught that they can warp even the most well-intentioned parents — the college admissions scandal is the clearest example, but plenty of parents feel the same intense pressure even if it doesn’t lead to illegal activity.
The best way to help keep your teen — and yourself! — stay sane through the process is to be clear about what you want for your child. Is it really about the college he/she/they gets into, or that illusive 1600 on the SAT? Or is it that you want them to find and forge a path that will result in them being happy, fulfilled and successful in life?
This is why my mantra as a tutor is to Build A Person, Not A Resume. When you provide opportunities for your children to explore their own interests and help them develop a work ethic, you create a strong foundation for building character. The rest will follow.
Be Upfront About the Importance of Courses & Grades
While students feel pressure to get into top colleges, the reality right now — especially with the fallout of the pandemic — is that colleges need applicants, and many are willing to “pay” for good ones. In some ways, this actually puts students in the driver’s seat when it comes to merit aid. Ron Leiber, author of The Price You Pay for College: An Entirely New Road Map for the Biggest Financial Decision Your Family Will Ever Make, suggests explaining the college process to students as early as eighth grade so they understand exactly how their grades and choices can make college more affordable.
Admissions officers consider high school grades first and foremost as excellent measures for selecting students who are prepared for the next level. But a GPA of 3.5 doesn’t mean the same thing across schools — or even for two students within a school. For this reason, you’ll want to encourage your child to take honors and AP courses to demonstrate rigor.
Your high school freshman won’t understand the importance of course selection unless you explain it, so this is an important area to get involved in. You want to be encouraging and clear about the importance of grades and course rigor from the get-go.
Be Proactive About Standardized Testing Practice
As high school GPAs continue to rise because of grade inflation, admissions officers also like to have the common measure provided by SAT and ACT scores. Admissions officers are busier than ever before, and it’s just easier to have a standard by which to sort applicants — at least initially. A test score might not be the end-all measure, but it is an important one. (Listen to our Webinar and/or view the Powerpoint about it here.)
So this is another area where parents are wise to get involved. Your job is to be the reminder-in-chief about test practice! As tutors, we can diagnose the areas of need and teach important concepts, test-taking skills, and strategies, but we don’t live in your home and can’t enforce important extra practice during free time.
The truth is that anyone, yes anyone, can improve test scores — often significantly! — with enough practice. But not all practice is created equal. The important thing is that practice is mindful and consistent.
For example, I can go to the tennis court to practice my serve. Even if I spend three hours and hit 1,000 balls, it might not be effective. If I’m not paying attention to placement of my toss, getting the racquet in position, and foot position, then it’s not real practice. (More about practice in our next blog post!)
The same is true for a musician practicing an instrument. If a pianist keeps playing a tricky measure with the same error, then increases the speed on the metronome before correcting that error, the error will become embedded in her mind and muscle memory. Practice doesn’t make perfect — perfect practice makes perfect.
The same is true for academics. Instead of just saying, “I need to study math,” be sure your child has a plan that includes the following:
Identify exactly which specific concepts need work.
Work on those concepts and/or problems in review books or with a friend/teacher/tutor.
Practice those problems by quizzing yourself or taking practice tests. (Parents, you can be quizzers!)
When time allows, do a practice - even if it’s only one section - section every three to five days.
Make practice passages and sections count by doing timed versions.
Review errors with an honest appraisal and correct them mindfully.
Parents, this is a lot, and most teens will struggle to commit to really mindful test practice. This is where you can step in to make test practice at home part of an established routine that is just as important as homework and extracurricular activities.
Support Executive Functioning Skills
Your teen is still learning how to organize thoughts, papers, and every aspect of time management. By high school, many teachers expect these skills to be locked down, but executive functioning skills are very much in development in late adolescence and even into early adulthood. You can help fill in the gaps by teaching some of these skills.
As you work with your teen on organization, keep in mind that there’s no “right” way to track homework assignments or take notes. The best system is the one that your child will be able to embrace and stick with. So instead of dictating a method, elicit ideas from your teen: Does she prefer a binder or folders? Does she like putting appointments in a Google calendar or on her phone? Is the best time to study on weekend mornings or after dinner each night? Work together to come up with a plan, and stay open for discussion to tweak it as needed.
Find Balance
Unless your teen is incredibly intrinsically motivated and independent, totally hands-off parenting doesn’t work. Despite what they may think — or even how they may present themselves — teens still need plenty of guidance and can always benefit from close bonds with you. Your support is crucial for success, and it’s also a really important way to show that you care.
Conversely, complete micro-management also tends to backfire. Your job isn’t to create a mini-me, but to give your teen the tools required to eventually thrive out in the world. The right path is somewhere in the middle, with plenty of support and encouragement. This is true for standardized testing, college admissions and beyond.
Make It A Team Effort!
Over the years, we’ve found that many of our most successful student outcomes occurred when we’ve worked as a student-parent-tutor/teacher team - all supporting a common goal of your teen growing as a learner and a person who feels accomplished and confident not only on test day, but also on every (ok, maybe not every) day!