Breathing personality into a Resume

From the first day of high school—and often even earlier—students are told to build a great resume for their college applications. The standard advice is to play a sport, join some clubs, and work your way up to some leadership positions by the time you’re a senior.  

That’s not bad advice, but it’s also not the whole story. Yes, admissions counselors will review your resume to understand your interests, strengths, and the ways you’ve challenged yourself. But they also want to know who you are as a person—and to do that, you can't always let your resume speak for itself

Enter the essay. This is your chance to breathe life [give another dimension? Add a perspective to] into your resume to highlight not just that you played a sport or joined a club, but what it meant to you. What inspired you to do it, and why is it meaningful? These are the questions that Thomas B. answered in his successful college essay.

The Essay

Student: Thomas B. 

Accepted to: Indiana University, Kelley School of Business (also accepted to Penn State, Michigan State, UConn)

I was eight years old and playing Marco Polo in the pool with my grandfather Rocco when a strange man came into the backyard with his broken weed whacker. My grandfather hopped out of the pool, talked to the man in the driveway, and returned 15 minutes later. “What was that about, Popi?” I asked. He told me that his friend had brought him the weed whacker to fix. Shortly afterwards, another person came to the backyard with a broken lawnmower. The same scenario played out again and again with a variety of backyard equipment arriving: a chainsaw, a power washer, a hedge trimmer, and so on. 

Early on, I realized two things about my grandfather: he can fix anything and, more importantly, he can teach himself anything. Throughout my childhood, I was inspired by my grandfather Rocco’s persistence and independent spirit. Motivated by how my grandfather taught himself how to rebuild an entire lawn mower, I taught myself how to play golf and how to trade stocks—two activities I value and truly enjoy. 

My interest in golf began after I purchased a set of clubs for $25 at a tag sale. I knew golf was a sport I could play my whole life, and I wanted to get involved at a young age. Many people would have hired a coach or taken lessons, but I watched YouTube videos on how to improve my swing and spent many hours at the driving range practicing. The first time I stepped onto an actual golf course wasn’t until high school freshman golf tryouts, but after countless hours of dedication and focus, I became a four-year varsity athlete. I cherish the pride that comes from teaching yourself something; it gives the skill more value and establishes a work ethic many people fail to acquire. 

Similarly, I was always amazed by various aspects of the stock market, but like many people, I assumed it was too complicated for a 14-year-old to get involved in. My interest was sparked when, at my work, I met a stockbroker who shared his unusual career path with me. I began reading Investors Daily and watching Bloomberg News to familiarize myself with the terms, patterns, and cycles of the stock market. Although I was a little nervous, I jumped out of my comfort zone and formalized my new interest by joining the Stocks and Finance Club at my high school. I was one of few students to attend every meeting and took it upon myself to research analytics, data, and unfamiliar concepts. As a senior, I look forward to serving as Vice President of our Club and continuing to build my own portfolio by investing the money I earn from my part-time job.  

The greatest gift my grandfather Rocco has given me is his example. He came to this country at age 18 with $15 in his pocket and no ability to read, write, or understand English. Today at age 87, he has lived the American Dream and is considered successful by anyone’s standards. When I am afraid to try something new or feel defeated by obstacles in my path, I think of my grandfather. I take great pride and strength in his journey and know that if he can accomplish so much, I can too. It is because of his example that I have the drive,  determination, and encouragement to pursue my goals. 

Why It Works

It’s worth noting that the criteria for a great essay does not require an Ivy League admission. Good writing is good writing, and it works just as well for public universities as for private ones. Thomas knew he wanted to attend the Kelley School of Business at Indiana University, so he set his sights on crafting an essay that would highlight the interests and skills that show he’s a great fit for his dream school. Here’s what works well in his essay:

1. A Vivid opening Anecdote

Thomas opens his essay with a specific memory from his childhood. Instead of just stating that his grandfather liked to fix things, Thomas puts the reader in his eight-year-old mind. This allows the reader to discover along with Thomas that his grandfather has an interesting and successful side gig.

Starting with a story engages the reader immediately, which is crucial when it comes to college essays: after all, your reader has probably slogged through a pile of essays already and yearns for something interesting. Because we don’t quite know what’s going on at first, the story creates a bit of mystery that the reader wants to solve as they continue.

2. Human Connection Demonstrates empathy

One of the best ways (though not the only one) to help admissions officers see beyond your resume and show them you’re a real human is to highlight a relationship in your life. Thomas does this well by including his relationship with his grandfather as a major theme in his essay. 

This works on several levels. First, Thomas shows the reader pure love and connection with the swimming scene: it’s obvious that they care about each other and enjoy each other’s company. Thomas also talks with admiration about what he has learned from his grandfather, and he paints a compelling picture of Rocco’s journey to the United States. This shows Thomas’s capacity for empathy and gratitude—two important qualities that complete the picture of Thomas as a full person. 

3. BalanceS Humility and Pride, shows Determination

It can be tricky to strike the right tone in a college essay. On one hand, you’re being asked to highlight your successes and essentially convince the reader that you are an amazing person they would love to admit. On the other hand, you don’t want to come off as overconfident or bragging, which can be off-putting.

Thomas does a nice job in this essay of balancing his rightful pride in his accomplishments with a down-to-earth tone. He does this by mentioning times when he didn’t feel confident: his nerves about joining the stock market club at school, and the times he felt afraid or “defeated by obstacles.” This honesty goes a long way to show that Thomas is self-aware about his strengths and weaknesses and is willing to work for his successes—qualities that colleges are definitely interested in, but that don’t show up on a resume.

The Bottom Line

Remember that your college essay is your chance to bring your resume to life. You are much more than a list of activities and accomplishments, so show that! The essay is a great opportunity to focus on the relationships and emotions that make you you. 

If you’d like help with your college essay, we can help! From brainstorming ideas to the final proofread, Veridian Prep tutors demystify the process. Get in touch today to schedule a consultation,